Your Midlife Relationship Reset- Weeding Your Garden with Intention

​Today we are going to be rolling up our sleeves, slipping on those metaphorical gardening gloves. And we're going to have a real heart-to-heart about the people in our lives. Today we're going to be talking about a concept I like to call weeding your garden. And no, I won't be giving you tips on what to plant next to your tomatoes. Not today, anyway. We're going to be talking about your personal garden, the one made up of your relationships, your friendships, connections, the people you choose to have in your life, and the people who you allow to have a place there. Now here's the thing. As women in midlife, we're already carrying a full, very heavy watering can. Teenagers, grown kids, aging parents, and our own changing bodies, not to mention the endless list of people who need something from us. And it's a lot. Sometimes we look up and realize that the garden of our life has gotten, well, overgrown, messy, choked with vines that we didn't even know were there.

This happened to me probably about a decade ago. I was just in the process of getting a divorce, and my husband and I had actually come to a place where we just really felt that we had come to the end of the road together. We loved each other dearly, but we just had really different ideas of what the next chapter of our life was going to look like. And we weren't really going in the same direction. So we lovingly made a choice to part ways. And with that came a whole lot of other things. And for me, I knew it was going to be a start of a new chapter. And I really felt quite clear that I wanted to step into this new place with a bit of a fresh start. I wanted to really have a look at all of the relationships in my life and decide what was serving me, what wasn't serving me, what was working, and what made me joyful and happy. And I wanted to move into a better, more intentional version of me. So I really took stock of all of my relationships.

I'm a huge believer that people come into our life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. And it's up to us to determine which relationships go where. So let's take a bit of a closer look at how we can weed our own garden so that we can blossom in this next chapter of our life. Let's dig in, literally and metaphorically. Okay, so let's start with the good stuff. The flowers. These are the people who make you feel seen. The ones who cheer you on. They're the ones that text just to say thinking of you. The people who bring light into your life without demanding that you shrink to make room for them. These are your peonies, your sunflowers, your roses, whatever your favorite flower is. And you know what? We have to nurture them, talk to them, and specifically give them your time. Not out of guilt or habit, but because they grow with you. They make you better. And let's face it, life is just more beautiful when they're around. In midlife, we learn that energy is a sacred thing. And these are the people in your life that are worthy of your energy. If we really stop to think about it, it's not really hard to decide who are our beautiful flowers in our garden. You also are a flower, so you want other people who are going to nurture you, encourage you to bloom in the best way possible.

Now let's talk about those weeds. You know who I'm talking about. The energy vampires, the chronic complainers, the people who only call when they want something. Or worse, the ones that leave you depleted after every conversation. And sometimes they are family, sometimes they are coworkers, and sometimes they are friends, and maybe they're high maintenance, or maybe they're just subtly dismissive. Weeds aren't always loud. Sometimes they're sneaky. They wrap themselves around your confidence and tug you down slowly, and you don't even notice that they're there until you're doubting yourself and your self-worth is on the line. Maybe it's a friend you've known since middle school or college, and the friendship used to be amazing, but now maybe it's wilted or worse, toxic. And here's the truth. Not everyone gets to go into this next season of life with you. That's your choice. So choose wisely. So here's how to gently or not so gently weed your garden. Now I'm not saying you should get out there with a blowtorch and burn the whole garden down, like no.

But of course, it's time to start pulling. And some of the best ways that you can do that is by setting boundaries. Be kind but firm. Maybe you say, I can't talk right now, or I'm not available for that, or I'm focusing on myself today. Whatever that is for you, make sure that you limit your exposure to them. You don't have to announce it, you don't have to do anything drastic or create a lot of drama around it. Just fade the water supply a little bit. Weeds don't thrive without your time and energy. So just pull back and protect your heart and look after your needs. And sometimes we feel that if we do things like that for ourselves, that that makes us selfish. But being a little bit selfish and protecting your energy, the only way to make sure that your garden thrives.

So once you've done some weeding, take a little step back. Breathe in the new space. Feel the lightness of it. I know for me, when I actually moved to a new community and I didn't know anyone. And what was really amazing from having already weeded my garden before I moved, I had all kinds of space for new beautiful people to come into my life. So for you, now that you've made some space, plant with intention. Seek out some new friendships. Join that book club. Say yes to coffee with that woman who you always laugh with in yoga class. And sometimes it even means having a look at your extended family. Maybe there's cousins or people in your life that you're related to that you've just never taken the time to nurture a relationship with. Maybe now's the time.

​Having a strong support system in our life is the biggest thing that we can do for our mental and emotional health. And once you get your perennial friends and your garden dialed in the way you want it, you have to protect it for all it's worth. My garden and the friends and family and core people that I have in my life are honestly the biggest pillar of strength and they're the bedrock of the foundation of my happiness. I can tell you that for sure. Midlife is a powerful season to bloom again with deeper roots and hopefully a wilder joy.